The Father redeemed the memory of my abortion.

I don't like sharing and before typing this I asked the Father if He really does want me to share this or not and before I finished the question I received a resounding YES.

During my second meditation this week the Father brought me to the time of my abortion. Clear from the start God chose this core memory of myself 20 years ago aborting my child.

Instantly, tears filled my eyes and shame washed over me. I've brought this to confession but haven't RECEIVED forgiveness. God the Father was with me as we watched this memory and I felt His love wash over me, His blood wash over me, His blood that is with us, in true drink, the blood He bleeds for thousands of years to free us from sin.

The blood removed the stain of shame and left His DNA all over me. I RECEIVED His forgiveness!

It was silent for a long time after that, I looked to the Father to tell Him I was still listening and noticed in His arms my infant child. Tiny, beautiful baby, happy in the Father's arms.

She had His love and I asked God if I could love her too, He let me hold her and so sweetly as if unknowing that I was her killer; she grabbed my finger and coo-ed.

It wasn't my love for her but the Father's working through me, His blood swirling through and between us like white water rapids, His blood replaced the blood from my abortion that flowed heavily from my body that night.

He was hers and she was His, and right there, God the Father claimed me as His adopted daughter. I handed her back to Him and he hugged me while holding her and we were huddled in love, love greater than hate, greater than murder, greater than shame, love that flows for thousands of years, right here in His embrace.

Love I didn't deserve.

Love given freely and that grows in me even when that child didn't get the chance to do. He is her everything and they invited me to join them after what I did, I am loved with a love that flows for thousands of years.

Both of their blood is on my hands, I called for Barabbas and I called to make the appointment.

Now that blood is what washes me clean.

This is transformation, I am not that person any longer.

This is my Father, His DNA floods over me in his blood and brings this adopted daughter home.