Arguing with God

I wanted to share my experience with my first meditation. First of all, I want to say that the first three weeks of KNOWN I was feeling very committed and peaceful...to a degree.

Then week four came.....I do not know if it was the homework, or the fact that I had allowed someone that was out of my life for a couple months back into my life. I struggled with this because I feel like God was asking me to close that door.....I am still struggling and asking myself if I am being disobedient.

Regardless, week 4 I was in avoidant mode with my homework.

Week 5, I recommitted. Completed my week 4 homework, and last night I did my first meditation.

I immediately felt very relaxed, however, I did not like the memory God brought to me. I argued with Him and told Him that is not the memory I want to work on. I cried! I did not want to see that memory, but I know that you can not argue with God and I knew He had a purpose. I was extremely relaxed and did not journal right after the meditation and fell right to sleep.

This morning I woke up and journaled my reflection. Even while I was writing I did not see why God chose that memory, but then things began to come together. God was showing me a huge root. This is the root that led to the belief that I can not trust, and I have to look out for myself, because no one else is going to. This is the root that caused me to make unspoken vows to myself of how I would act with others.

It still is not crystal clear. The imagery that came to mind is like a huge ball of yarn starting to unravel. I am very much looking forward to spending time with God tonight during meditation night 2 to see what He wants to reveal to me!